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THE SELF IMAGE 7
...It was easy to explain the successes.
The boy with the too-big ears, who had been told that he looked like a taxi-cab with both doors open.
He had been ridiculed all
his life—often cruelly.
He had been ridiculed all
his life—often cruelly.
Association with playmates meant
humiliation and pain.
Why shouldn't he avoid
social contacts?
Why shouldn't he become afraid of people and retire into himself?
Terribly afraid to express himself in any way it was no wonder he became known as a moron.
When his ears were corrected, it would seem only natural that the cause of his embarrassment and humiliation had been removed and that he should assume a normal role in life—which he did.
Or consider the salesman who suffered a facial disfigurement as the result of an automobile accident.
Each morning when he shaved he could see the horrible disfiguring scar on Ms cheek and the grotesque twist to his mouth.
For the first time in his life he became painfully
self-conscious.
He was ashamed of himself and felt that
his appearance must be repulsive to others.
The scar became an obsession with him.
He was "different" from other people.
He began to "wonder" what others were thinking of him.
Soon Ms ego was even more mutilated than his
face.
He began to lose confidence in himself.
Why shouldn't he become afraid of people and retire into himself?
Terribly afraid to express himself in any way it was no wonder he became known as a moron.
When his ears were corrected, it would seem only natural that the cause of his embarrassment and humiliation had been removed and that he should assume a normal role in life—which he did.
Or consider the salesman who suffered a facial disfigurement as the result of an automobile accident.
Each morning when he shaved he could see the horrible disfiguring scar on Ms cheek and the grotesque twist to his mouth.
For the first time in his life he became painfully
self-conscious.
He was ashamed of himself and felt that
his appearance must be repulsive to others.
The scar became an obsession with him.
He was "different" from other people.
He began to "wonder" what others were thinking of him.
Soon Ms ego was even more mutilated than his
face.
He began to lose confidence in himself.
He became bitter and hostile.
Soon almost all his attention was
directed toward himself—and his primary goal became the protection of his ego and the avoidance of situations which might bring humiliation.
It is easy to understand how the correction of his facial disfigurement and the restoration of a "normal" face would overnight change this
man's entire attitude and outlook, his feelings about himself, and result in greater success in his work.
But what about the exceptions who didn't change?
The Duchess who all her life had been terribly shy and selfconscious because of a tremendous hump in her nose?
Although surgery gave her a classic nose and a face that was truly beautiful, she still continued to act the part of the ugly duckling, the unwanted sister who could never bring herself to look another human being in the eye.
If
8 PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS
the scalpel itself was magic, why did it not work on theDuchess?
Or what about all the others who acquired new faces but went right on wearing the same old personality?
Or how explain the reaction of those people who insist that the surgery has made no difference whatsoever in their appearance?
Every plastic surgeon has had this experience
and has probably been as baffled by it as I was.
No matter how drastic the change in appearance may be, there are certain patients who will insist that "I look just the same as before—you didn't do a thing." Friends, even family, may scarcely recognize them, may become enthusiastic
over their newly acquired "beauty," yet the patient herself insists that she can see only slight or no improvement, or in fact deny that any change at all has been made.
directed toward himself—and his primary goal became the protection of his ego and the avoidance of situations which might bring humiliation.
It is easy to understand how the correction of his facial disfigurement and the restoration of a "normal" face would overnight change this
man's entire attitude and outlook, his feelings about himself, and result in greater success in his work.
But what about the exceptions who didn't change?
The Duchess who all her life had been terribly shy and selfconscious because of a tremendous hump in her nose?
Although surgery gave her a classic nose and a face that was truly beautiful, she still continued to act the part of the ugly duckling, the unwanted sister who could never bring herself to look another human being in the eye.
If
8 PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS
the scalpel itself was magic, why did it not work on theDuchess?
Or what about all the others who acquired new faces but went right on wearing the same old personality?
Or how explain the reaction of those people who insist that the surgery has made no difference whatsoever in their appearance?
Every plastic surgeon has had this experience
and has probably been as baffled by it as I was.
No matter how drastic the change in appearance may be, there are certain patients who will insist that "I look just the same as before—you didn't do a thing." Friends, even family, may scarcely recognize them, may become enthusiastic
over their newly acquired "beauty," yet the patient herself insists that she can see only slight or no improvement, or in fact deny that any change at all has been made.
Comparison of "before" and "after" photographs does little good, except possibly to arouse hostility.
By some strange mental alchemy the patient will rationalize, "Of course, I can see that the hump is no longer in my nose—but my nose still looks just the same," or, "The scar may not show any more, but it's still there."
Scars That Bring Pride Instead of Shame
Still another clue in search of the elusive self image was the fact that not all scars or disfigurements bring shame
and humiliation.
When I was a young medical student in
Germany, I saw many another student proudly wearing his "saber scar" much as an American might wear the Medal of Honor.
The duelists were the elite of college society and a facial scar was the badge that proved you a
member in good standing.
To these boys, the acquisition of a horrible scar on the cheek had the same psychologic effect as the eradication of the scar from the cheek of my
salesman patient.
In old New Orleans a Creole wore an eye patch in much the same way. I began to see that a
knife itself held no magical powers. It could be used on
THE SELF IMAGE 9
one person to inflict a scar and on another to erase a scar, with the same psychological results.
The Mystery of
Imaginary
Ugliness...
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